“'The loudest duck gets shot' is a Chinese proverb. 'The nail that sticks out gets hammered down' is a Japanese one. Its Western correlative: 'The squeaky wheel gets the grease.'” -Wesley Yang, "Paper Tigers"
I've noticed many things different between what I'll call the Western School of Parenting vs. the Eastern School. Most notably the difference between U.S. parents and East-Asian ones.
Some people may be aware of the meme called the High Expectations Asian Father:
Less famous is the "Tiger Mom:"
It is a stereotype (remember, they ARE based on fact), that the children of Asian parents are to always get A's in their schoolwork, play either the violin or piano, and have almost no social life. This is true amongst a few of my Asian friends, although not so much in my own personal experience.
On the flip side, though my parents have occasionally tried to do some tiger mom-ing and Asian father-ing, they have stayed pretty Western in their styles. When I was a junior in high school I was choosing between majoring in music and majoring in psychology. My parents, very practical and looking out for my long-term future (as most parents, not only Asians, do), told me to consider going into psychology for the job stability. However, instead of pressuring and forcing me to do so, they supported me when I decided to go into music.
Though they were never very "Asian" in their parenting styles, there is one thing that I got from them that is decidedly not-Western: The idea of keeping ones head down, and leading by example rather than making a fuss. Whenever there was a problem, instead of telling somebody about it or confronting the issue, I would bottle it up inside and store it away - which is quite opposite of my Western friends' upbringing.
I am quite good at compartmentalizing.
In the "Paper Tigers" article, Wesley Yang writes, " “White people have this instinct that is really important: to give off the impression that they’re only going to do the really important work. You’re a quarterback. It’s a kind of arrogance that Asians are trained not to have."
Going to school in the midwest was quick to teach me this - as a result I have gotten much better (I think) about talking of myself - althought I still share a sense that if I try to "talk myself up," that I will come across as arrogant or dumb - I am in the mindset of the nail that is about to be hammered down, to blend with everyone else. Ironically, everyone (almost) in the midwest is in the mindset of the squeaky wheel!
Growing up and looking at future grad-schools and jobs have taught me that I really need to start learning to talk about myself. I've always been content to be in the background - to be kind of a fly on the wall of the conversation - but I'm starting to realize that in this economy/job market, people are not looking for flies... They are looking for someone who will get things done no matter the situation - they are looking for confidence in a sea of humility.
And I'm working on it.
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