Music and Introspection

My school's semester doesn't start up until the 30th (yeah, J-Term/Winter Term!), so I have been hanging out at home doing a whole lot of not much at all.

It hasn't all been fun and games, though.  I have been able to help out my former youth choir out with their rehearsals.  Sort of a mini-internship, if you will.


They have a program that they're calling OPERAtunities, wherein the organization commissions an opera to be performed entirely by children and adolescents.  Since it's in Hawaii, the operas can range from focusing on old Hawaiian folktales and issues of Hawaiian import.  I was put in charge of introducing and rehearsing the opera to the group.  Luckily it was pretty sightreadable, and enough of the kids remembered me so that I didn't have to create that sense of rapport with them in this short time.

For a while now I have been reflecting a lot on my intent to continue my education and get a Masters in Conducting.  I've been feeling - uninspired.  I've been thinking that I'd be fine with just getting an office job and just doing music on the side.

This has made me rethink that.

The choir meets only a couple of times a week.  Being a part of even just this rehearsal process has been an amazing experience.  I have rehearsed them twice now, and both times I have gone home wanting to just come back and work.  I have something that they haven't looked at before, that I basically have free reign to... and so little time.

It has reminded me of why I love music.

I love everything about it - even the theory of it (to some extent...).  I love the atmospheres that it can create.  I love, as conductor, the ability to introduce a piece of music and to take the singers through the experience.  I love the feeling when they finally get it, and the piece really starts to jive.

I love the collaboration that comes from choirs, and I'm starting to realize exactly what being a conductor means.

It's not enough to simply know the score and stand in front of a group of people and wave your arms.  In fact, it's really not about you at all.

It's about using every part of your musical self - your technique, your interpretations, your hand gestures - to create a warm, intelligent, musical atmosphere that allows your singers to express themselves to the best of their abilities.  You are there to provide guidance and direction from the chaos.  You are not the emperor - you are the catalyst.

I haven't felt this in a very long time.  To leave from rehearsal wanting only to come back and rehearse some more.  To make sure my singers are healthy and happy and loving every minute of it.

This is why I conduct.

Why I conduct.

We will now break from our usually scheduled Asian programming to bring you this:

Just kidding.



I feel like whenever I tell people that I want to go into conducting that the first thing that pops into their head is "why?"  That, or "ok, weirdo."  I feel that it is doubly so at my school, where we do not have a conducting major, and many of my vocalist friends and colleagues seem to think that choir is a chore, and only go because it is required.

I would like to offer this explanation (not that any of you care - I'm just writing this down so that I can come back to it later).

This summer has been a wonderful experience.  Since, as I pointed out earlier (hooray redundancies!), my school does not offer a conducting major aside from music education, I try to do all I can to fill up and load up on classes (hurrdurr I'll load YOU up...).  I have been very busy with workshops and internships and what have you, and it didn't really strike me until tonight - as I was conducting along to bad Youtube recordings and some good ones - of this fact.

Music flows through me.


Quite literally.  When I am up on the podium and I start conducting, I am the happiest man on the planet.  It flows through me like blood through my veins.  It reminds me that music is all about COLLABORATION, and that together, we are all creating something as special and as magical as when it was first composed.


I conduct out of love.


The same goes when I am a singer in a choir.  When we all know our music, and can connect to the conductor, I can almost see the music flowing from his fingertips and infusing me with the ability to give all I can to make the performance as wonderful as possible.  It is like the conductor is the catalyst with which the music flows through.



I felt this at our concert two weeks ago.

This feeling is something that I don't quite get out of solo singing.  Yes, it is a wonderful thing to bond with your accompanist, and exploring the nuances of the music and the text, feeling the give-and-take in the music is something that I adore - but it just doesn't FEEL the same.  And while it does give me a sense of accomplishment, the feeling is NOTHING compared to the joy of completing a concert that you designed and rehearsed and worked and worked... And this was all last semester, BEFORE I got really in tune with myself!


This is something that I will strive to accomplish with any group that I have the privilege of conducting and directing.


This is my dream.

Music, the Beach, and Life Itself

Gosh it sure has been awhile.

I have really meant to be writing more, but... I haven't.

ANYWAY...

Two nights ago I decided to go for a walk on the beach.  I should probably preface that I've been in Cannon Beach, Oregon for the past week doing a conducting workshop and it has been BEAUTIFUL.  Four out of the five days have had sunshine and high-60's weather.  In fact, Thursday was the only day that was pretty overcast, and even that was wonderful.  The mist hung in the air as if in a romantic movie, and only intensified at night.

Thursday night we went to Rod's beach cottage (he was the guy doing the workshop) for a wrap-up party.  After all the party-goers left, I lingered behind along with my roommate and a high school teacher from California.  As we stood out on the balcony looking at Haystack Rock, we all decided to go out onto the beach.

As we stepped on to the sand from the beach access I was struck by how different the sand really is.  Growing up in Hawaii, I've always been pretty accustomed to coarser sand... This was anything but.  It was so cool to the touch and basically enveloped my feet, and it was so fine!  And I don't mean fine as in "oh gurl, you so fine" fine, but very very smooth - so smooth in fact, that it squeaked as we walked on it.

After I got over the sand, I looked out into the ocean and was struck dumb.

For you to get an accurate representation of what it was like, you need to have a frame of reference.  If you've never seen haystack rock before, here's a picture:

Imagine if you will the dead of night, with a fog that was just heavy enough to reflect the few lights in the town up to the sky, and shrouding us into the dusk (wow look at me being all poetic).  The tide had pulled all the way back PAST the rock, leaving us free to go all the way up to the rock all the way to the left of the picture to explore.

The sights were incredible.

Covering the rocks were a bunch of shell-looking things that, in the dim light looked to be moving.  There were also spongy moss-like things that looked really cool in the light.

Oh, and the water was like freezing.  Nbd.

Anyway, my two companions felt so compelled by the night that they decided to take a quasi-skinny dip.  I did not join them, if only because I didn't feel as compelled (I know I know, using the same word twice like this is a grammar no-no... But I couldn't think of any other word.  Sue me), so instead I started turning my thoughts inward.

I started watching the gentleness of the waves rolling in, and, amid the screams of "Ah! COLD!!!" from my compatriots, started trying to feel the rhythm of the waves, and (this is about to sound very zen) consequently, the universe.

In music, we all have our own interpretations of rhythm, and especially so if one is the conductor.  On that particular night, I started trying to feel the beat of the ocean.

When I was taught conducting, I was told to act as if my hands were immersed underwater so as to convey both relaxation, but also clarity in the pattern. 

I was reminded of that fact that night, not trying to control anything, not trying to evoke anything.

I simply was.

Ramblings on Musical Elitism

I had meant to write this earlier in the semester, but life and everything got in the way.

I was in the music library one day making some copies, when I overheard a certain music professor "chatting" with one of the student workers.

On this day, the school newspaper released its new edition, and one of the editorials was titled something like "Don't Overlook Student Musicians."  It was a referring to the time that a certain performer (whose name rhymes with Bike Bosner) came to perform, and though one of our more prominent student bands was very connected to the artist, the University student board neglected to choose them as one of the opening acts to the concert (of which he had like 8, but that's besides the point).

As this professor was waiting for the library staff to retrieve something for her, she started perusing said newspaper.  I was making copies, and half eaves-dropping (don't judge me, it's the music school.  Everybody eaves-drops) when I heard the professor say something along the lines of "you know, they really shouldn't publish things like this - it confuses people and detracts from what music students REALLY do."

This statement got me thinking about the role that we play in the whole music world.  This professor is known for her... pedestalistic (is that even a word?  I don't even know) view of music.  And by that I mean that in her mind (and a lot of classically trained minds), there is a clear dichotomy between "good music" and "crap music," with classical music being at the top of that pedestal (pyramid, whatever you want).

This begs the question: What are we music students really trying to accomplish, in all of our educational endeavors?  It is no secret that classical music is a slowly dying art, associated mainly with old people and those who are perhaps not as apt socially.  And Asians.  Are we to continue this trend of slowly emptying concert halls and bankrupt symphonies forever?

The whole point of music is to ENJOY oneself.  Just as there is a time and place for Shostakovich's 6th Symphony, so too is there room for Justin Bieber's "Baby."  Art is art, expression is expression.  It is just that people who are along the vein of J-biebs is simply a bit EASIER to "appreciate," so to speak.

This is starting to sound like an entire (boring) dissertation, so I'll stop soon... I only want to point out that while there are people who like to stay soundly in their own worlds, such as this professor or Sir Bieber, there are a great amount of people looking to bridge the gap betweenclassical and "mainstream" music.  Youtube musicians Paul Dateh and Jason Yang are both classically trained violinists, yet they are branching out and exploring the worlds of hip hop and pop, while still keeping the integrity of their instruments, and especially with Mr. Dateh, adds little "hints" and easter eggs of classical riffs into his music.

So I guess what I'm saying is, instead of perpetuating the dichotomy, and resisting change, to try to incorporate different aspects into one's work.  Being one-dimensional is so boring.  I can appreciate just about anything from Lady Gaga to Samuel Barber, and I feel that I am better off because of it.

Gosh this became so rambly... Apologies, but please let me know what you think.  These are just things that I've experienced and are my opinons on the matter.

Oh hey....

Oh hi there.  Long time no see.  I've missed you.  Or something.

Though I'm very tempted to say that that picture has been indicative of my past semester, in reality I've been fortunate to be surrounded by a bunch of wonderful people that I can safely call my friends.  It's due to you guys that I have been able to get through the semeseter.  Even though some of those nights were spent procrastinating through various means, such as baking brownies and dinner dates, to making homemade whipped cream and bitching about life, to mad rushes to Burger King and those orgasmic fries, to laughing my ass off because of a voice immodulation...

The semester has been so good to me.  I had my first whole recital ever, I started a choir that put together a very successful concert, and I think I've figured out the rest of my life.  At least in college.  Maybe.

Also, apologies to the lack of posting toward the end of the semester.  I do this thing where I'm all like "oh yeah, I'm gonna be so proactive about everything FOREVER," when in reality I'll try half-heartedly to do something, and then procrastinate like it's my job, then throw everything to the wayside while I desperately try to catch up on essential things like schoolwork and sleep.



Did I tell you I found my first white hair this semester?

I can't believe it.  Although I've figured out that it's pretty much stress induced... But seriously, I already have such little hair as it is... Can a brotha get a break?

Will I go to hell for saying that?

Maybe, if I am unable to get my stress under control, I'll at least look hot, like this:

However, knowing me, I'll probably just look like this:

That is an actual artist's rendering (not really...)

But anyway, now that it's summer, I will have more time to update and such (to the nine of you that read this, I don't even know why I bother plugging this and such...).  It promises to be a pretty good one, and busy at that.  I'm staying with a couple of friends until an internship mid-June, and immediately after that one is done, I'm flying to Colorado to help out at a children's choral festival.  After that I fly home, where I'm preparing yet another recital with a couple of my friends, and then I'm flying out to Oregon in August to participate in another conducting workshop.  After that I'll be bumming around with friends in Oregon and Chicago until school starts back up in the fall.

All in all, I have no idea how I'm going to sleep ever.

I'm also hoping to slowly get more active.  I know I've said this multiple times (perhaps just to myself and not necessarily on here), but I am really going to make a concentrated effort!  Besides me being a shallow bitch and being hyper-critical of everything, my back problems have had a tendency to flare up...

That plus the discovery of the two white hairs has led me to believe that I'm actually about 68 years old.

I even had a dream about discovering another white hair that was like right in front of my face!  It was so vivid, and I remember it even being pretty painful when I went to yank it out...

Wait, was that even a dream, or did that just happen last week?


I really can't remember.


I think I've lost my mind.

Musical Shenanigans

Today I had my junior recital jury.  This was a presentation to the vocal faculty of my proposed recital program, which is a half an hour.  It was a little rocky in some spots (and I'm probably just being hyper-critical), but I passed!

 

 

I am so excited for my recital.  It chronicals three years worth of experience, and three different teachers!

WARNING: Lack of funny imminent in the following paragraphs.  Proceed with caution.  If you wish to skip to funnier material, scroll down to the next image.

I started off with Dr. Kyle Ferrill, a man who really took my voice and made it go from, quite frankly, crap, to winning first place at my first Regional NATS competition.  I think it was he who first got me turned on to the art of the artsong (hah, repetition).  Without his experience, I'm not sure where I would be right now...

My sophomore year I had Dr. Matthew Markham, a really amazing, adorable man whose passion just exudes from his presence.  He took my love of music and helped me to explore what I really wanted to study.  It was this year that I really found that I love singing artsong, as well as exploring different languages and styles.  My program for my sophomore proficiency consisted of seven songs in six different languages, English, French, German, Italian, Hawaiian, and Czech.  I was going to have another one in Russian, but because of times sake, we had to cut it.

Speaking of the proficiency, I have thought long and hard about the results of that.  At first, I was as angry I'd imagine Pikachu after being cooped up in that tiny little Pokeball for lord knows how long.  However, after I got to thinking about it, I realized that the BMA degree was really a much better choice than the performance degree.  Sure, it was definitely a blow to my ego, but looking back at it, I really have no desire to do ANY kind of operatic roles in the future, and there really isn't any money in being a recitalist...  And here's where I may have, in my fury, jumped to a couple of conclusions.  The reason for my not passing was not because of any politics involved, however much I may have thought.  Looking back, and hearing my voice then compared to now, I simply wasn't ready.  Also, it is just a much wiser move for me to make, because the BMA allows me to mirror as much of the perofrmance degree as I want, and I also have room to not take certain classes (like opera literature... barf), and it will also allow me to minor in Japanese, a language that I have long had an interest in.

Going into this year was a very exciting process.  I was able to get Caroline Smith as my teacher, who is a goddess among men.  She has really taken my voice and allowed it to blossom.  I do not know where I would be without her.  It has been so much fun, and though I may be hypercritical of myself at times, she will never yell at me or get mad at me.

It's getting late, and I'm getting sleepy, so I really can't figure out a way to transition my thoughts at all.  I think I'll leave by saying that my recital is on Monday, March 14th at 7:30 at Thompson Recital Hall.

It will be fun.  And it's on Pi day.  So there will by pie.

In other news, I have been following this website called foodporndaily.com, and it really makes me want to become a food photographer.  Go check out that site and I defy you to tell me that you did not sprout a half-chub.

Ok, that's enough of me making a fool out of myself.

Bye!

I Hope...

I hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing.

I have been looking forward to starting this small ensemble for over half a semester.  Plans have been in the works for just as long, and I've even gone so far as to hand pick the members in them... I have crafted what I believe to be an extremely strong program, and have gone so far as to analyze (or at least highlight some notes) into each piece.

I hope it's not all for naught.

I hope that I can trust these people.

I hope that I won't not use too many double-negatives.

Wait...

Honestly though, there's so much excitement going into this next semester.  I am so pleased with this prospect, and yet... There are doubts.  I think that I've put more work into this ensemble in a few short weeks than I have with anything in my life, ever.  It's starting to become a sort of obsession.

Will I be able to craft this ensemble into what I want it to be?

Will I be able to count on the musicians?

Will I be a good enough teacher?

Will they listen to me, even though I'm their peer?

Will I lose my dignity...?  Will someone caaaaaaare?

Wait.

I suppose this counts as my first "selfish" use for my blog.  I'm just nervous as all get-out.  Nervous enough to use such an archaic term.

You understand.

Here's a picture of a bunny to offset the anxiety.

Music, the Mind, and Insanity

Well, it's 11:58 on a Tuesday night, and I have nothing to do but sit and kill myself over some music.

That's not really true, but I am analyzing it.

This semester, I am starting a small, eight-voiced SATB (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Bass) choral group, and I am extremely excited for it.  I have said before that it is my dream to one day be a choral director, and I am trying to take steps to ensure that it happens.

Is it sad that I am putting more thought into this than I am my solo music, the music that I am supposedly "here to study?"

I really wish I could think about my solo music as I do my choral music.  I have tried, and I am much more interested in it than I have been in the past, but it really just does not stir my passions (that's what she said).

To me, choral conducting is a very weird blend of artistry and science, a mix between musicality and kinesthetics.  There is so much that one can do in a gesture, and I find it so fascinating to see what conductor does what, or how one can make their choir sound good (or, by the flip side, really shitty).

I have also discovered how (NERD ALERT) fun score analysis can be!  I went out and bought some overly expensive multi-colored sharpie highlighters this afternoon, and have spent the better part of an hour highlighting different aspects of the score.  Pink is for tempo changes, red is for fortes and accents, orange is for crescendos and diminuendos,  green is for everything else, light blue is for boys, dark blue is for grown ups, and purple is for the homos.

I just seem to get lost in the music, and when I listen to it, I can't help but get sucked into it (I'm listening to music right now, which explains why that last sentence made absolutely NO sense whatsoever).

More and more, I'm looking forward to the start of the semester and the prospects that this project will bring.  However, I just KNOW that in my mind, I will make this a top priority and eschew things like schoolwork and actual PRACTICING (who needs that, right?)... But we will see where this semester takes us.  I am actually very very excited for it!

Cheers.

Have a picture of a puppy.

First Post Shenanigans

One day, while experiencing a particularly ethereal state of sleep-deprivation and delirium, a boy started a blog.

Ok, that's a lie.  I think the literal thought that popped up in my head was "Eh, can't sleep.  Why not write about it?"

I suppose I should include a bit about me.  I am a junior in a small college in Indiana.  I am studying music in an attempt to become a choral conductor, something a great many of my peers are NOT want to do.  While they are talking about the latest opera singer gossip, and lamenting (or jubilating) about their voice-types, I am looking for people to talk about what the newest conducting gesture is supposed to mean, what to do in front of a choir and oh my lord, did you see what Prof. So-and-so did in rehearsal yesterday?  Soooo not kosher.

I'm 20 years old, my birthday falling coincidentally on a day where most kids dress up as their favorite transformer and most adult females dress up in an attempt to get laid.

I am also an Asian-American, hailing from Honolulu, Hawaii.

I suppose the point of this blog is going to be an amalgamation of all of the topics mentioned here.  Insomnia, music, conducting, Asian-ness, dressing up to get laid, etc.  In it, I will try to be witty, to be straight and to the point, and not go too much into the inner-turmoil that is my life, but we'll see what happens.  Like any blog, I intend to use this for somewhat selfish reasons, so, yeah.  There's that.

Here's a picture of a kitty:

Enjoy.